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English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the EU rather than German (the other possibility). As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government concede that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase in of new rules which would apply to the language and reclassify it as Euroenglish. The agreed plan is as follows:-
In year 1, the soft "c" would be replaced by "s" Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be replaced by "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" is replaced by "f". This will reduse fotograf by 20 %!
In the 3rd year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e's" is disgrasful and they should eliminat them.
By the 4th year peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v" (saving mor keyboard spas).
During ze fifz year unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou". Similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of letters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reil sensibil riten styl! Zer vil be no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!!!!!